flashes from the past

rick and i celebrated an anniversary this week... and i was thinking a lot about how much a different world we inhabited back when he proposed to me. i'd decided pretty early on that while marriage and kids were fun to think about, it was something i thought about as a path other people chose. i wasn't going that direction... all i wanted was to travel and have fun. a world beyond 30 never even occurred to me, like somehow at 29 everything would just end. that's it.

rick and i had been dating just a bit over a year, a year which had been really rough for me in a number of ways, when we decided to take a trip to california to see some friends of his. they lived in l.a., not too far from disneyland, and we had heard about how the haunted mansion (something we both really love) was transformed every year into a nightmare before christmas ride, something we both loved too. i remember thinking how funny it would be if he proposed to me on the ride, and it kind of left my mind as we prepared for the trip.

well, to make a long story, very short, he did propose to me, on the third ride, at the end of the day, after we had a beautiful dinner in an new orleans style restaurant right next to the haunted mansion. i was so shocked i barely left the ride standing, and after stumbling into the art gallery with all of the nightmare before christmas memorabilia, i purchased these jack and sally figures, which we used on our wedding cake. it's funny, but i totally knew we were supposed to be together after that.

i look at this picture of us, taken on that day, and i can't believe how completely unaware we were of what would be in our future. and by that, i mean our little family.

last night at dinner we were talking about halloween costumes the bean had worn, and rick pointed out the year she was a bee, which i had totally forgotten, since i hadn't made the costume. i remember this particular point in my life being so insane at my job that i didn't have the time, and clearly, barely remembered the day. it was a particularly life-affirming moment when i found this photo just to prove that she had indeed been a bumblebee one year, because just this week i was discussing with friends the role motherhood plays in our lives, and how even though i still work (at least two jobs), it's never enough, and it should be. it is.